Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Real Talk About Breastfeeding

I'm not going to write about the benefits of breastfeeding. I'm sure you've already done extensive research on all of that. Instead, let's talk about all the things books will not tell you about breastfeeding.

1) Your baby surprisingly knows what to do for the most part, even if you don't:

When the nurse handed me my 20-minute old baby and told me to try feeding her I looked at her baffled. I didn't even know how to hold my baby and suddenly I was supposed to feed her? The nurse asked if I had taken any classes and I told her that I had done plenty of reading, but no classes. "Uh oh," she responded. Thanks for the encouragement, lady.

Then this total stranger grabbed my boob and stuck it in my baby's face and she latched on like a little fish. And it was amazing.

2) It will hurt. A LOT:

The lactation consultant at the hospital will ask you if it hurts. When you say that it does, she'll tell you that you're doing it wrong. She'll then take your boob with her ice cold hand and shove it further into the baby's mouth and ask if that feels better. You'll say yes, even if it doesn't just to get her to leave you alone.

For the first month it will feel like someone is trying to twist your nipples off for thirty minutes at a time.  Eventually, your nipples will toughen up and you will no longer wince every time she eats.

3) Milk can spray across the room:

At some point you'll be coming out of the shower and realize that milk is spraying out of both boobs and you'll be paralyzed in the bathroom, naked, with both hands cupping your breasts. Just let go, girl. The bathroom counters and floor can be wiped off later.

You will also accidentally spray milk into your poor child's eye and the stunned look on her face will be hilarious.

4) You may wake up in a puddle of milk:

Sometimes nursing pads slip while you are sleeping. Thankfully, milk stains wash out of sheets and clothes (for the most part).

5) Mornings will be spent milking yourself like a cow:

Engorgement happens, especially in the mornings. Your supple bosoms will turn rock hard. This may mean that your letdown will be too fast for your baby so it will be beneficial to pump or self express before feeding her. I find that if I don't do this she will be more likely to spit up or pull away. Think of the scene from the movie The Neighbors while doing this and laugh at the absurdity of it all at 4am.

6) You will be the sole provider of nourishment for your baby, and it will be exhausting:

This is probably the toughest part of breastfeeding. Although your husband is around, there is just not much that he can do other than change diapers, and do you really want to wake him up in the middle of the night just for that? Sure, you can have him take over for a feeding if your baby will take a bottle, but that just means you'll have to get up to pump anyway so that you can keep your milk supply up.

7) Those first few weeks you will wonder if formula really is "that bad":

I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit that first month. Even hubby was willing to go to formula because he saw how badly I was struggling. However, using the bottle is really troublesome as well because it requires measuring, warming, and washing. It's easier to pop out your boob.

Full tummies make us happy.
I'm glad I stuck with it, but I can certainly see why some moms choose formula over breastfeeding. It's rough, man!

Eventually, you'll become a pro and will be able to breastfeed while walking around the house. Just make sure you've closed your curtains.

8) Wardrobe decisions will be based on how easily accessible your boob is to your child:

Nursing camis, stretchy shirts, and button down tops will be your new best friends. I miss wearing cute clothes and I've already warned The Hubby that I will be treating myself to a brand new wardrobe when I stop breastfeeding.

9) Milk wasted is a real thing:

The next best thing to a baby drunk on milk is a smiling baby. If you can get a milk drunk baby to smile, your heart will melt and all will be good with the world again.

It is remarkable how easily you can comfort a screaming baby just by feeding her, and sometimes nursing is the only thing that will calm her.

10) Holy cow! You're making milk! You're amazing, Mama!

Seriously. The human body is pretty darn cool. Applaud yourself!


1. Always keep a water bottle by your side as breastfeeding makes you extremely thirsty. Make sure the bottle allows you to drink with one hand, like this one.
2. We go through ten bibs in two days. My baby is a spit up expert and the use of bibs means I get to change her outfit less often.
3. You will leak milk and nursing pads will make it less messy and embarrassing. I prefer the Lansinoh brand over the Medela ones.
4. The Feed Baby Pro app is such a lifesaver, especially in those early days. I started using it while at the hospital as nurses would come in the middle of the night and ask when the last time I fed my baby was and how many wet or dirty diapers we've changed. And you'll be like "I can't remember. I just popped a human being the size of a watermelon out of my vagina twelve hours ago. Please GTFO so we can rest."Sleep deprivation is not pretty, folks. You can set an alarm to alert you when the next feeding is and it'll track which boob you last fed on, which is especially helpful for me because I can never remember.
5. Forgot those tiny burp cloths. You need maximum coverage. I like to use flannel receiving blankets instead.
6. I first tried using a natural nipple butter and found it to be useless in relieving pain. Get the lanolin!
7. Some say you shouldn't have the television playing in the background, but you're going to need something to keep you awake at 2am. I recommend binge watching on Netflix the following shows: Parenthood, Gilmore Girls, Friday Night Lights, Alias, Chuck
8. I love our Mombo Nursing Pillow and find it to be sturdier than the popular Boppy.
9. I live in these nursing camis from Target and have four that go into rotation. 

1 comment:

Patty said...

Min,
How adorable is your baby!!!! Oh my goodness congrats. So precious! I didn't know how to email you back but you won the Prosacea cream from the giveaway on that post. Email me back at makeitcozee@gmail.com so I can get your address so they can send it to you :D.