This MUST be a Joke

I went to see a doctor today because I have had stomach and digestive issues for as long as I can remember. Five years ago, I correlated it with lactose intolerance. Cutting out dairy was a big help, but it didn't fix everything.

After waiting one hour to see the doctor for five minutes, she told me that increasing my fluid and fiber intake would be a great benefit. BUT if that doesn't work, then I may be having an adverse reaction to gluten.

ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME? I already gave up so much. Do you know how many different foods have gluten? I didn't either until I Googled it. (source: Food Allergy Gourmet)

The following pre-made foods contain gluten, unless they are marked "Gluten-Free" on the label.

Foods Bagels Beer Biscuits Blue cheese (made with bread) Bread Broth (pre-made, cubes, powder) Cake Cheese (pre-shredded) Cookies Corn Dogs Corn Bread Couscous Crackers Croutons Cupcakes Deli Cut or Cold Cut Meats (unless sliced on a dedicated gluten-free meat slicer) Doughnuts French Toast French Fries (if frozen or coated) Funnel Cake Graham Crackers Gravy Hushpuppies Macaroni

Malted milk (malt is made from barley) Matzo Muesli Muffins Noodles Oatmeal Pancakes Pasta Pastry Pie Pita or Pocket Bread Pretzel Salad Dressing Semolina Soup Sour Cream Soy Sauce, Shoyu Spaghetti Stock (pre-made, cubes, powder) Stuffing Toast Tabbouleh Teriyaki sauce Waffles Yogurt

These Ingredients Contain Gluten

These ingredients contain gluten, unless marked "Gluten-Free" on the label. Always read the ingredients on the label and check with the manufacturer to determine whether or not they are safe.

Alcoholic spirits (Specific Spirits) Amp-isostearoyl hydrolyzed wheat protein Barley, Barley grass (may contain seeds) Barley hordeum vulgare Barley malt Beer (except gluten-free beer) Bleached flour Bran Bread flour Brewer's yeast Brown flour Bulgur Cake flour (meal) Cereal Binding Couscous Dextrimaltose Disodium wheatgermamido peg-2 sulfosuccinate Durum flour Edible starch Einkorn Emmer Farina Filler Flour (usually means wheat flour) Fu (dried wheat gluten) Gliadin Gluten Graham flour Granary flour Groats (barley, wheat, oat) Hard wheat Hydrolyzed wheat gluten Hydrolyzed wheat protein Hydrolyzed wheat protein pg-propyl silanetriol Hydrolyzed wheat starch Hydroxypropyltrimonium hydrolyzed wheat protein

Kamut Macha wheat Malt (made from barley) Malt (extract, flavoring, syrup, vinegar Malted milk Matzo meal, semolina Mir Oat bran, oatmeal, oats, rolled oats, groats, flour Oriental wheat Pasta (excepts gluten-free) Pearl barley Persian wheat Polish wheat Poulard wheat Rice Malt (if barley or Koji are used) Rye Seitan Semolina Spelt, small Sprouted wheat or barley Stearyldimoniumhydroxypropyl hydrolyzed wheat protein Strong flour Suet (in packets) Textured Vegetable Protein - TVP Triticale (a wheat-rye blend) Triticale X triticosecale Triticum vulgare flour lipids, germ extract, germ oil Udon (wheat noodles) Unbleached flour Vavilovi wheat Vegetable starch Wheat (Abyssinian hard, club, common, durum, timopheevi, bulgur, Shot) Wheat bran extract, amino acids Wheat berries Wheat durum triticum Wheat germ, germ extract, germ oil, or lipids Wheat grass (may contain seeds) Wheat nuts, protein or starch Whole wheat, flour Wild einkorn, emmer

These Ingredients and Foods May Contain Gluten

These ingredients may or may not contain gluten. Always read the ingredients on the label and check with the manufacturer to determine whether or not they are safe.

Anti-Caking Ingredients Artificial Color Artificial Flavoring Binders Bouillon, cubes or powder Broth Caramel Color, coloring Catsup Cereal Cheese (starting molds may be introduced on bread crumbs) Curry powder (spices sometimes contain undisclosed flour to improve flow) Demiglace Dextrins Emulsifiers Excipients Farina Fillers Flavor, Flavoring Food Starch Glucose Syrup Gluten Gum Hydrolyzed plant protein (HPP) Hydrolyzed vegetable protein (HVP) Ketchup Leavening Maltodextrin Maltose Miso Modified Food Starch Mono and Diglycerides Monosodium Glutimate (MSG) (imported MSG may contain wheat)

Mustard (wheat flour may be a hidden ingredient) Mustard Powder Natural Flavor, Natural Flavoring Rice Syrup (may use barley enzymes) Seasoning Shortening (possible added vitamin E from wheat germ) Shoyu (soy sauce) Smoke Flavoring Soba Noodles Sour cream Soy Sauce Spices (may contain flour to improve flow) Stabilizers Starch Stock, pre-made Stock cubes or powder Textured vegetable protein (TVP, same as HVP) Tomato paste (hidden ingredients may include HVP) Vanilla or other flavored extracts Vegetable gum Vegetable shortening (possible added vitamin E from wheat germ) Vitamins Wheat Starch White pepper (may contain flour to improve flow) Yeast or yeast extract (may be grown or dried on wheat flour)

The list pretty much includes everything I eat. I WOULD RATHER HAVE DIARRHEA.