Thursday, April 7, 2011

Ugly Betty

Have you ever felt wildly unattractive? Typically when I have my face painted on, I can look at the mirror and be happy with what I see. But a couple of nights ago, I looked in the mirror and was extremely unhappy with my appearance. I've been dieting for over a month now, and while I've seen changes in my body, I am still far from where I would like to be.




I wish I could say that I had this poor perception of myself because I binged on junk food all that day, but I did quite the opposite. Breakfast was a whole wheat English muffin and a cup of dark chocolate almond milk. I had a tuna whole wheat pita bread wrap with a side of strawberries for lunch. I went out to eat that night at Razzoo's--a restaurant with a menu completely filled with fried foods-- and ordered a chopped salad with grilled chicken, no cheese or bacon, and dressing on the side. Good choices all day long.

I would still say that I have a good self esteem. I know that I'm not unattractive, but I have been having a lot more "Ugly Days" than usual. And I have correlated this with my husband's absence. When I am around The Hubby, I feel prettier. It's as if I am an entirely new person.

This is because TH always told me how beautiful I looked or I would catch him checking me out. After almost seven years together, he still finds me attractive and never forgets to show it. But now that he's gone, I no longer feel sexy or wanted. Instead, my eyes automatically focus in on the blemishes on my face or the roll of fat in my midsection. And while he can still tell me over Skype that I "look pretty today," it is still not the same.

Isn't it amazing how much one person in your life can alter every part of you? I know that there is that stereotype where once you get married you stop taking care of yourself because you have already "caught the fish." But I don't think this is because you stop caring. I think it's because you no longer have to jump through hoops to feel attractive anymore. Because in his eyes, you are beautiful no matter what.

Don't worry about me too much though. I'm sure that in a few days I'll be more content with myself again. The most important thing is that I didn't go bake cookies because that's my typical coping mechanism.

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

for some reason, this almost made me tear up...haha.

you are beautiful :)