I am upset at anyone who has told me the following phrase or something similar: "Min, you're so thin. You have a great figure. You don't need to worry about anything." I'm mad at you because you are a liar. I listened to you for years, and now it has finally caught up with me.
Spencer is the only person who has ever told me straight up, "It only goes downhill from here." My mother was the one who asked me if I was pregnant when she saw my belly bulge while sitting as a passenger in her car.
I've gained weight, and it is not going away. This is probably due to all the food I have consumed without regret or a second thought. And now my "great figure" is not so wonderful anymore. I feel like a fat lard.
Here are some reasons why my self esteem is so low right now:
1) I don't have The Hubby telling me how hot or beautiful I am every day.
2) PMS and extra bloating
3) My horrible skin due to late nights and stress
4) The fact that I need to drop eight pounds to get to my ideal weight and size
5) Knowing that The Hubby is working out twice a day and will return as the much more attractive husband with the fat wife
And I've realized that all of my fat has accumulated right at my stomach area and "love handles". Why can't some of it spread down to my flat ass instead? Or even my chicken legs? So if you think I'm thin, it's only because I hide my stomach under my clothes.
Every now and then I get the sudden urge to exercise again. Well, I'm serious about it this time. And you, my readers, will have to hold me accountable.
Goal: 115 lbs by July 28th and maintain it
Plan: Drink more water. Sleep before midnight. Eat more whole grains and fiber. Exercise. Stop baking. Portion control. Walk Bella more often. Eat more fruit in replacement of Chex Mix or chocolate. Look at thinspiration sites.
I want to look like them. But with smaller boobs because, well, that's a lost cause. More Marisa Miller than Miranda Kerr though because I think she's a healthy thin. And while I know that "model skinny" is a near impossible goal to set for myself, it's at least something to aspire to.
Don't worry about me starving myself though. I love love love food far too much to give it up. I want to do this the healthy way, meaning no pills or cleanses. Just balanced meals and exercise, baby.
Also, I'm not posting any before pictures like the brave souls out there who do so because I look about three months pregnant in a bathing suit.
Wish me luck!